Mind Body Spirit part 1
My fight with sexual addiction has made me realize that this battle is not fought on one battleground, but on three separate fronts. Like many others, I have stories of countless attempts to stop acting out that resulted in little or no lasting success. I started having victories only when I realized I was battling on just one of these fronts instead of all three. I fully believe that unless you take steps to engage your addiction in EVERY part of your life, you will never gain any lasting victory over it.
Mind
I always thought that in order to stop acting out you just had to stop. I used to think, “If I just kept my hands off myself I will eventually win”. I learned later that this kind of sobriety is called “white knuckling”, where a person stops acting out physically only through sheer will-power, but never actually changes his desire to act out. However, if you can get control of your thoughts, you will not have to white knuckle it (at least as often… sometimes you will just have to will-power your way through bad days). So what does the battle of your mind look like? It wasn’t until I started looking at my thought life that I realized how messed up it really was. I spent large amounts of time thinking about sex, women or a multitude of other things that would eventually get me sexually excited to the point where I wanted to act out. I didn’t realize I was doing this; it was just a mental habit that often happened automatically. If I talked or looked at a pretty woman, my mind would wander off to fantasy land where I could have what I wanted now. And better than that, I didn’t have to do any work to get it (life takes work… my fantasies were easy). I soon realized that it wasn’t always sexual thoughts that triggered me. I could have been dreaming about a new car, a new job or anything that would make my life seem better. But when I snapped back to reality and realized I didn’t have these things, I would become unhappy with my real life to the point that I didn’t want to live in that life anymore. So I’d dive into my fantasy land and get some satisfaction there. I honestly believe that I spent more time in my fantasy life than in real life during my addiction (how I survived driving, school and jobs is a mystery). It’s this running from reality that is the mind battle. Keeping those fantasy thoughts out and dealing with the life you have is what helps keep you grounded and sober. How do you expect to stop looking at women if you’re thinking about their bodies all day long? If you have a fantasy of how your wife is supposed to be, how are you going to be happy with the reality of who she is (guess what… woman are not perfect and we all have some baggage and issues that will require work)? I remember being in love with women until I got to know them. They seemed perfect from afar but I got closer and found them to be human, with flaws and imperfections just like everyone. I challenge you to take time this week to keep track of your thought life. If it’s filled with sex, you shouldn’t be surprised if you feel sexual all the time. If it’s filled with fantasies of a perfect life, you shouldn’t be surprised if you feel disappointed with reality. [Let me take a moment to say that I’m not saying you shouldn’t have dreams or desires. But your dreams and desires should be supportive of your reality, not a substitute for it]. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul tells the Corinthians to keep every thought captive. He understood how much the mind affects the body and that were your mind goes, your body will follow.